Wednesday, June 4, 2014

“But Elmer, I didn’t say it would make you live to 90!”

“But Elmer, I didn’t say it would make you live to 90!” said Elsie, the Borden Cow.

Elsie and Elmer always come in mid-conversation. No, that's not really accurate. It's always mid-argument.

“I don’t need anything to help ME live to 90,” bellowed Elmer the bull. “I HAVE DECIDED THAT I’M GOING TO LIVE TO 105 WITHOUT ANY HELP!”

Because Elmer tends to say crazy shit like that.

“Well, if you’re planning to live that long,” laughed Elsie, “there’s more reason than ever for you to drink Borden’s Buttermilk every day.”

“Oho,” roared Elmer, “now Borden’s Buttermilk is going to make me live longer.”

“No, dear,” smiled Elsie, “But Borden’s Buttermilk will help you keep fit. It’s not fattening. And this good healthful drink has all the proteins and minerals of milk plus that extra something that tones up your digestive system.”

I'm assuming Elsie means probiotics. I actually learned something here -- didn't know there was much awareness of probiotics in the 1950's (perhaps I should read more home ec textbooks and brush up).

“Skip the sales talk!” snorted Elmer. “I drink buttermilk for two reasons. One, because it tastes good. And two, because it cools me off.”

“Then drink away and cool off,” coaxed Elsie as she handed him a glassful of Borden’s tangy, refreshing buttermilk.

“DOWN THE HATCH!” thundered Elmer. “That’s a he-man drink,” he said, smacking his lips. “I’ll have another—fill ‘er up!”

“I’m sorry, Elmer, there isn’t any more,” explained Elsie. “I’ve put the rest of the Borden’s Buttermilk in the spice cake.”


Like, everybody who's ever cooked, especially in the 50's when everything was made from scratch...

“Why every good cook knows that Borden’s Buttermilk is grand for making cakes,” enthused Elsie. “And Elmer, I use it in waffles, biscuits and muffins, too. It makes them lighter and better tasting.”

“Say,” said Elmer thoughtfully, “if I’m drinking and eating buttermilk, too—I might live to 106!”

“Well, now, darling, let’s not overdo this,” smiled Elsie. “Let’s end this the way we always do by saying …

“If it’s Borden’s, it’s got to be good!”

What’s particularly intriguing about this lovely family portrait? Take a gander at what Beulah is reading in the background there: "What Every Young Heifer Should Know." The mind boggles.


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