"Sorry I married you?" protested Elsie, "Why DARLING!"

"Don't pull that darling stuff on me!" bellowed Elmer, the bull. "What's this mess of beet tops doing in front of me? And why?"

Yeah, beet tops. Definitely a reason to regret your marriage. Nooooo hyperbole at all there.

"But, dar-ling!" persisted Elsie, the Borden Cow, "beet tops are wonderful food, full of vitamins and minerals. It's a sin not to use them, especially now, when the government asks us not to waste one single bit of food."

A sin, hmm? Guess where Elmer learned about hyperbole.

"Let the government run the government!" roared Elmer. "I'll run my house!"

"Then don't forget the rationing rules!" reminded Elsie brightly. "Buy only what you need, pay your points, and never pay more than ceiling prices. Remember, we have a mighty big army and navy to feed. And the folks at home have to limit themselves. We mustn't waste one crumb of bread, or one drop of milk. Not that I can imagine anyone ever wasting a single drop of milk that tastes as excitingly delicious as Borden's Homogenized Milk! It has cream and Vitamin D in every sip."

"My good woman," prompted Elmer haughtily, "just one moment ago you spoke of beet tops. One of your relatives in the beet top business, perhaps?"

Wait, I thought you brought up the beet tops.

"No, angel," giggled Elsie. "But beet tops are grand eating. So are turnip greens, and the leafy parts of many vegetables you ordinarily wouldn't think of using. But in these times of shortages--"

"Ha!" interrupted Elmer witheringly, "how about milk weeds? Maybe babies could use them instead of milk."

You'd think that somebody married to a cow would understand milk a little better. Especially how much she natters on about it.

"That's absurd!" exclaimed Elsie. "Babies will get their cows milk. You know very well how the little ones thrive on Borden's Evaporated Milk, and how many doctors approve of it. It's fortified with Vitamin D."

"My stomach could do with a little fortifying," grumbled Elmer. "Oh, for the good old days!"

The good old days, back in 1940, were, what -- 1930? 1920? 1890?

"In the good old days," said Elsie, "we wasted perfectly good leftovers that could have been made into appetizing dishes. For instance, you can make a very savory dish by mixing different leftover vegetables together in a cream sauce, sprinkling with Borden's grated American style cheese, and baking. Mighty nourishing, too. For Borden's Fine Cheeses are concentrated nourishment."

"I could do with a little concentrated silence!" boomed Elmer.

Man, you brought this whole thing up. I'm usually more or less on your side, Elmer, but this time you're being a lot more irrational than usual. And you set a pretty high bar...

"But how can I keep silent," asked Elsie, "when I'm fairly bursting with conversation tips? Did you know that you can make the most exciting jelly from apple peelings? And that you can conserve potatoes by boiling them in their skins, or baking them, and eating skins and all. These days every little bit we save helps our food supply last longer."

Apple peelings I didn't know, and I'm actually intrigued to try it. But were baked potatoes really that unknown?

"If the food situation is that bad," reasoned Elmer, "maybe I'll try this bit of boiled greenery. But, mind you, only to help the boys!"

Not to make your wife feel better about all the hard work she's done to put any food at all on the table while struggling with rationing and shortage restrictions, mind. ONLY to help the boys.

"Don't be so bull-headed, Elmer!" scoffed Elsie. "You'll find the greens delicious. I flavored them with vinegar and pork drippings. It's the flavor that counts. It even makes taking vitamins a pleasure! Just look how folks go for the chocolate-flavored, vitamin-fortified drink--Hemo! Everybody's saying Hemo's the way to drink your vitamins and like 'em!"

I hope Hemo tasted better than beet greens. But then, since it's not made any longer, maybe it didn't...

"Less sales talk," commanded Elmer, "and more of these beet tops. They're not half bad."

It's like I tell my kids all the time -- taste it before you declare how much you hate it.

"Oh, Elmer, you say the nicest things," murmured Elsie. "Just for that, you get Borden's Ice Cream and Borden's Milk Sherbet for dessert. They're good, sound nourishment at any time. As I always say--"

He says the nicest things? Were you listening to anything before he started stuffing his face?

"No, my dear," twinkled Elmer, "let me say it this time: If it's Borden's, it's GOT to be good!"

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